A Woman’s Diary

I have made my official decision. I’m not continuing on with the program I’m currently in. I’ll return to it at anther time in my life. For now, I just want to do something I love and I’m good at. That is, photography. Of course this decision as made a rough mark in mine and my parents relationships. They don’t see it the way I see it which becomes really frustrating. It also seems that I’m a failure in their eyes…which is quite upsetting to me.

I just wish that they would be supportive of my decision and allow me to deal with whatever consequences come from it. It’s my life and my decisions, not theirs. I’m still very upset right now. I have been for the entire morning and yesterday. Man…if I had a lot of money and a steady fulltime income, I would of moved out long time ago. They just don’t see me as an independent person which is very heartbreaking because they think I need to 24/7. In reality, I don’t. I’m more than capable of doing things on my own and making my own decisions.

My parents have always been this way to both my sisters and myself. It gets really frustrating. It’s like they don’t allow us to spread our wings and learn from our mistakes. *sigh*…If only they realize what they are doing and make changes for better things.

Yup…I’m been thinking about this for the past week. I think I’m dropping out of my program in college. It’s a two year program and I’m currently in my third semester. I just can’t take it anymore. I thought it was going to be great, but it’s just so boring and not really want I want to do in life.

My goal is to become a professional photographer. I started taking night classes last year. I stopped that because I decided to take a two year program so I would still be covered under my father’s insurance. I’m starting to think that was a bad idea because all I did was spend money instead of save.

I told my mother and sisters about my plan of leaving. They were not impressed. They think it’s because the money and that I should continue it because I’m nearly. I just don’t want to anymore. I want to get my wheels in motion and actually do something I like. So I can work at a factory of some sorts as a labourer for a few months, saving up money as I go along. Then I can continue taking those photography courses until I’m finished. The great thing is that they are night classes so I could be still working while still attending those classes.

I’m not sure how my father will react when I let him know my decision. My sister sort of mentioned it but I don’t think he really heard her because he didn’t really say anything to me. I know this could be a potential stupid idea, but I’m just sick of the program already. I want to do something I enjoy a lot and I’m good at. When I was in the photograph classes, I got 90% + in my courses…except for history of photography because that was slightly boring and I disliked my teacher.

My decision will be made by the end of this month since I have to pay for next semester tuition by November 26th. At this point, my decision is not to continue with the program.